Honesty is the Killer;;Ella;;27

The boys end up losing to Edmonton, but I didn't really watch. I will still upset that Kris lied to me and not to mention that Jonny confessed his love for me. Couldn't he have waited until after the Olympics when he knew I'd for sure be over Kris?


I'm in Christina's roommate Alexia's room. Christina walks in to find me curled up in a ball with Justin Biebers Baby blaring through my Macbook. She sits on the edge of my bed. I don't say anything because I'm containing my tears. "Are you okay?" She asks me.


"Christina, my boyfriend cheated on me."
"So did Stephanies but she's not a wreck like you are. Look, when we went to Excalibur that night, he cheated on you."
"What?"
"Nik and I were still at the club when you all left. He came back and was sucking face with some girl who wasn't you."
"Do you have Whiskey?"
"I'm not giving you alcohol at a time like this."


My skype rings. It's Jonny. Christina leaves the room. I answer the call. Jonnys in his hotel room, wearing a hoodie. He looks emotionally drained and his hair is still wet from the shower. He looks at me. I wish he didn't have to see me this way. "Shit, Ella your a mess."


"I know," I admit.
"Can I play something for you before we talk about that text?"
"Go for it."
"Are you okay?"
"Jonny play the song please. I wanna hear it," I say, forcing a smile to my face.
"Okay, I may suck, but bare with me."


He starts playing an acoustic cover I miss you and begins singing an off key vocal of Mark Hoppous, which kind of makes me laugh. I watch his hands go up and down the frets of the guitar. I'm more drawn to him then I was before. 


Where are you? And I'm so sorry,
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight.
I need somebody and always.
This sick strange darkness,
Comes creeping on, so haunting everytime.
And as I stared I counted, the webs from all the spiders,
Catching things and eating their insides.
Like my indecision to call you, and hear your voice of treason.
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight? Stop this pain tonight.
Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head.
I miss you.
Don't waste your time on me, you're already the voice inside my head.
I miss you, I miss you.


I cry a little more as he finishes the vocal of the song. He stops singing once he hears me crying. He puts the guitar down and looks back at me. I want him so bad, I wanted to hold him and hear him telling me to stop crying. "Ella, why are you crying?"


"That was beautiful."
"I learned it for you."
"I know."
"Ella, why can't you love me?"
"Jonny, my heart just got crushed."
"I can fix that for you, believe me I can."
"Jonny, I don't know what to believe at this point."
"Ella, listen to me please. I'm not going to do what that assfuck did to you. I've made my fair share of mistakes in the past but I'm not going to do anything to hurt you. Please Ella, give me that chance."
"Jonny, give me time please."
"Ella, please," he pleads as I get ready to close the screen. He sees my hand inching for the flap of the laptop. "Ella, don't close the laptop."
"Jonny, give me time. For now, all I can offer is my friendship. Please give me time."
"Ella, don't do this."


I close the laptop and put it in the case. My phone goes off. It's Jonny. I click ignore and go under the covers. The phone goes off again. This time I answer. I wish he could understand what I was going through right now. "Jonny, please don't make me do this."


"Ella, do not hang up the phone."
"Johnny, I can only offer my friendship right now."
"Do you love me? Honestly, tell me if you love me."
"Johnny, honesty is going to be the killer right now. I can't love you right now. I can't love anyone right now."
"When will you love me?"
"Honestly Johnny, I don't know."
"Forget it then. Goodbye."


Click.


I throw the phone at the wall infrsutration, watching it smash into pieces. I really hope to God my dad put insurance on that phone when he bought it for me. Ally, Stephanie, and Christina storm into the room. They look at the phone then at me. "What the fuck? Are you going fucken crazy?" Stephanie asks me.


"I think so."
"Well, what caused to break your phone?" Ally asked me.


I spill my guts out while sobbing. Stephanie is laying next to me, as we sob over the limo incident and Jonny as Christina brings in Oreos and peanut butter with Corona lights. Ally shakes her head at me. "Really Ella, I think this time you may have done it."


"I'm not that retarded," I snap. Christinas appartment phone rings. She picks it up and hands it toward me. "It's you're dad," she tells me, handing over the phone. Now I get to tell him that I broke my phone and ask for a new one. "Hey dad," is all I can say.


"Hey honey, are you okay?"
"No."
"Why is your phone off again?"
"Yeah...I need a new phone."
"Ella..."
"I threw it in frustration."
"You are so lucky I put insurance on that thing. I'll have it shipped to the appartment."
"Thank you Dad."
"When are you coming home?"
"Sunday morning."
"Come over for brunch to meet Jay. We'll bitch out your frustration. Fair deal?"
"Yes. Thank you dad. I love you."
"Love you too. Get some sleep. You're mom and brother are worried about you."
"Tell Alfonso I'm sorry that Kris won't be around anymore."
"I think he hates him now. I got to go."
"Night dad." 


I hang up the phone and look at the three of them. Stephanie is passed out on the bed, Ally is texting Brent and Christina is texting Nik. I feel so alone even though they are here. They tell me to get some rest. I guess Stephanie and I are sharing a bed tonight. I turn on my side and for the first time in a long time I did what I hated doing the most.


Crying myself to sleep.


Jonathan Toews, I really need you here right now.


enjoy! new update tomorrow!